


Dwarf Mating Rituals

by Moonbeam (luvsbitca)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dwarves being unhelpful and ambiguous, HobbitHolidayExchange, M/M, Mating Rituals, Misdirections, Pining, when they think they're helping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 00:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsbitca/pseuds/Moonbeam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Erebor is being rebuilt Bilbo wants to attract the attention of a special dwarf. He goes to the company for advice…not that that is always very helpful.</p><p>Written for the <a href="http://hobbitholidayexchange.tumblr.com/">Hobbit Holiday Exchange</a>. Gift for Salvia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dwarf Mating Rituals

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Salvia_G](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salvia_G/gifts).



> I shouldn't have signed up for this with so much unfinished and so many other things that I also signed up for (I am apparently a glutton for punishment) but I'm so glad I did. I love this story and I had so much fun writing it.
> 
> Huge thanks to [sra_danvers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sra_danvers/pseuds/sra_danvers) for her continued cheerleading and [ManhattanMom](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ManhattanMom/pseuds/ManhattanMom) for the painless and hugely helpful beta.
> 
> I hope Salvia is happy with this. Enjoy…

  
**Dwarf Mating Rituals**  
by Moonbeam

"Balin," Bilbo said, sitting next to the elder dwarf quietly.

"Aye, Bilbo."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, laddie, anything I can do."

"How does one go about courting a dwarf?"

Balin smiled down at Bilbo. "Well…we have a couple of traditions but the one that I think you would suit best would be proving to him that you can be his partner, his counsel, and his equal all the rest of your days together."

"Okay…" Bilbo said slowly. "How do you believe I should do that?"

"I think in ways you have already proven yourself to the whole company. Participate in the conversations about the work being done in the mountain. Take an interest in the things that are important to the dwarf in question, is he a tinker, a digger, a toy maker? Whatever he is known for learn something about it so that you can talk to him about it. Just as he should learn what is important to you."

Bilbo nodded. "I think I can do that."

"I know you can, you were a valuable member of the company and many dwarves would see you as a wonderful partner in their life."

"I simply hope he is one of them."

"I am sure he shall be," Balin said, reassuringly.

Bilbo took a deep breath and stood to leave. "Thank you, Balin."

"You are welcome, Bilbo." When he was gone Balin smiled and whispered into the night. "Bofur is going to be so pleased."

Bilbo sat and listened to what the dwarves were saying about their work in the mountains. He did not say anything that night, wanting to listen, but he did intend to share his opinion once he had learned more. He had been listening since Thorin had recovered enough to begin the work within the mountain. However, he had never been listening or suggesting with the intention of impressing someone before. He felt the weight of his words much more keenly now that he wanted them to achieve so much more.

He appreciated Balin's suggestion but he honestly wanted something with a more immediate result so he knew he would need to ask another dwarf for their help even while he continued to follow Balin's suggestion.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo sat with Kíli, helping the dwarf to clean the buck Kíli and Fíli had brought down earlier that day.

"Kíli?"

"Bilbo?" Kíli said matching the hobbit's questioning tone.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, I do have a larger penis than Fíli."

Bilbo sighed and rolled his eyes. "Thank you, but that is not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh, then, yes, it is true that I brought down that red buck last week. Fíli was lying."

"Kíli," Bilbo said, an edge of frustration to his tone.

Kíli paused and turned to look at the hobbit. "What is it? You are normally more fun than this."

Bilbo looked down and felt a spark of shame. "I am sorry, I should not have snapped at you."

Kíli laughed at him. "You know me too well to believe I would consider that snapping. What is it you wished to discuss with me?"

"I…"

Kíli moved closer to Bilbo. "Come now, Bilbo Baggins, where is the hobbit who stood up to my uncle. You can tell me."

"How do I attract a dwarf?" Bilbo said quickly, finding his stomach twisted in nervous knots about the question when faced with Kíli.

Kíli sat back, staring at Bilbo. "Fíli and I were wondering if this was coming."

"What? Balin told you?"

"Balin?"

"I asked him the same thing but I was looking for something more…something that I can really _do_."

"He talked about brains, did he not?"

"He talked of being an intellectual equal."

Kíli huffed. "You have proven yourself to all of us again and again but…I believe there is one thing that you have not done."

"What is that?"

"Proven your skill as a hunter?"

Bilbo bit his lip and nodded. "What do you think I should do, specifically?"

"Catch an animal for you to eat together."

"Thank you," Bilbo said, returning to his work skinning the buck. Kíli continued to look at Bilbo for a few minutes. Bilbo knew why Kíli would bring this up as Bilbo had never helped to provide the game for them meals on the road. There was a reason for that of course – Bilbo had little skill hunting, he had purchased his game with the spoils of his garden. However, he would do this, he could do this, he _had_ to do this.

"Bilbo?"

"Yes?" Bilbo asked, looking up from his work.

"He…whoever it is, I do not believe he could do better."

"Thank you."

Kíli nodded sharply. "But, whatever Fíli told you, I did bring that red buck down."

"Of course you did." Bilbo agreed.

The next evening Bilbo handed Bombur two rabbits, small ones, which made him blush with embarrassment.

"What are these," Bombur asked.

"I caught them," Bilbo said, with a sigh. "To help."

"Do not worry yourself, Mister Bilbo," Fíli said, patting him on the back. "Kíli and I catch enough for all of the dwarves here."

Bilbo flushed red and looked around the collected dwarves. "I just wanted to help."

"It is a help, of course," Balin said, gently.

"Certainly," Kíli said, "They look like they will be very tasty."

"I am sure they will be," Bofur said, clapping Bilbo on the shoulder. "Bombur is very thankful, are you not, brother?"

"Yes, thank you Master Baggins," Bombur said, reaching out for the rabbits.

Bilbo smiled at Bofur but as he turned he saw the dwarf he was trying so hard to impress striding back into the forest.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo could honestly say that of all the dwarven members of the company Nori was the one he knew the least. He knew the dwarf had been caught as a thief more than once, he knew that he and Dwalin had had issues before the journey from the Blue Mountains. Bilbo had seen Dwalin attempt to let the past go and he had seen the way that Nori was always a step behind Dori in protecting Ori. However, on the journey Bilbo had never managed to really get to know Nori.

However, Nori was the dwarf that had been sent on this journey with Bilbo out into the forest to collect wildly growing food for the dwarves. And Bilbo wanted to take advantage of this opportunity.

"Nori," Bilbo said, when they had finished collecting all of the wild onions growing in one of the clearings. "May I ask you a question?"

"'course."

"I am attempting to learn the courting rituals of dwarves."

"Between two men or are you interested in our bearded ladies."

Bilbo coloured under the undercurrent in Nori's gaze. "Does it make any difference?"

"Of course. If you are looking to court a dwarfish lady then you cannot sample the goods but with a male, the best way to start is to show them how very good you are below the belt."

"Female dwarves are not allowed to have sex before marriage?"

Nori rolled his eyes. "Of course they can however you have to be so careful, dwarfish females are notoriously more fertile than Elves, Hobbits, or Men. There are herbs and tinctures that they have been known to take that work but it is always a risk so most female dwarves do not allow their suitors to play until after they have whittled down the pool to the ones they really like. Which is not to say some females do not thoroughly partake in," Nori paused to chuckle in a way that told Bilbo the dwarf had well and truly enjoyed the company of female dwarves, "the pleasures of the flesh. However, it is always a risk." Nori smiled at Bilbo. "That is one of my favourite things about being with males. You can never run the risk of having children you do not mean to have."

Bilbo knew it was off topic but he could not help but be curious. "What would happen if she were to fall pregnant?"

Nori looked at him with confusion. "Then there would be a dwarfling babe and it would be worthy of celebration."

Bilbo nodded. "Good…back to my question."

"I told you prove to whomever he is that you are a capable bed partner. It is the best reason to choose anyone to spend your life with."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Of course I do. What other reason could there be?"

"Love?"

Nori huffed out a laugh. "My father loved my mother but she was not a dwarf who deserved it."

Bilbo frowned. "What?"

Nori waved a hand. "The ability to please your partner and a steadfast, immovable devotion to family. They are the only two things that matter."

Bilbo looked at Nori for a moment, the dwarf smiled at him, and then turned to walk farther into the forest. Bilbo shook his head; sex and family…Bilbo did not know what to do with those two suggestions. Well…Bilbo knew what he would like to do with one of the suggestions. Bilbo let out a breath and followed after Nori. He would simply have to go to someone else for advice.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo was at the river washing his clothing when Óin walked up next to him, a large pile of clothing in his arms.

"I did not realise you had so much clothing," Bilbo said, with a small smile.

Óin laughed. "I lost a bet with Glóin. It is his washing as well."

"I see."

They were silent next to one another for long minutes before Bilbo paused and looked at the dwarf. "Óin, may I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"If I was interested in showing a dwarf that I had feelings for them how should I do it?"

Óin was silent for a moment, looking down as he worked the washing in his hands."

"We have a tradition, among the dwarves, of presenting items of claim – which if accepted means that you have an opportunity to court the dwarf with the intention of bonding. It is a way of informing everyone, publically, of your intention."

"Are you aware that every dwarf I ask tells me something different? I would not have even continued asking if not for the fact that catching rabbits had been such a failure. I am glad now that I have kept asking."

"I do not believe your dwarf saw it as a failure."

"He certainly looked like he did."

"A piece of clothing, purchased for him, which can show you are interested. It is an opportunity for him to show that he welcomes your attempts to convince him that you would be a good match."

Óin turned back to his washing and Bilbo knew that the conversation was over. Óin, unlike his brother, was not talkative and Bilbo had his answer. He was not sure where he would go about getting a piece of clothing given the situation he found himself in now but he would work something out, and if not he could remember it for later.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo did not have a lot of the skills that could help the dwarves as they attempted to rebuild their mountain. After the battle with orcs and elves, with Men at their sides Bilbo had done everything he could to help. Gandalf had left for Rivendell with the Arkenstone as soon as Thorin had recovered enough to apologise to Bilbo for his behaviour and realise that his family had a painful weakness for that mythical stone and he could not hold it again. There were no dwarves that could be spared to take Bilbo home and the longer he stayed the less he truly wanted to leave. Everything he had been feeling while they have been on the road was stronger here knowing that the dwarves no longer needed him to defeat a dragon and yet they still enjoyed spending their time with him. He helped wherever he could around the camp but he had had conversations with Thorin that made him believe that he would be of more use when they were back in the mountain and Bilbo was hopeful that the dwarfish King wanted him to stay in Erebor.

Bilbo knew that what he was trying to do might colour how he felt about Erebor and might make it impossible for him to stay here but if he was able to drag himself out of his hobbit hole and across Middle Earth he could not now be too scared to try for something he wanted so badly. He was going to do whatever he could to attract the dwarf he wanted and if he had to ask every damned dwarf in the camp what to do, he would.

He went looking for Bombur knowing the dwarf would be close to camp preparing to make dinner for the dwarves.

"Bombur," Bilbo said, sitting across from the giant cooking fire that was constantly kept blazing. "I have a question."

"Of course you do, here."

Bilbo took the large slate stone which Bombur used to cut things for their meals.

"Cook him a good meal; show him how skilled you are."

Bilbo opened his mouth the say something but the large dwarf simply smiled at him widely and stood up.

"I heard about your mission to court a dwarf. If anyone asks for me I am just going to go and have a wee little nap." Bombur yawned and stretched. "Lovely weather for it."

Bilbo shook his head and looked at what ingredients Bombur had. He needed a few things, which he could easily ask Kíli to get for him in the forest and then he could cook something excellent for their dinner tonight. He would probably need to bribe the dwarf prince but he was not so worried about that. Bilbo took a deep breath and smiled. This was something he knew how to do – this was more of a hobbit courting rite than anything that had come before.

Bilbo sent Kíli off, promising him the largest portion, and then set to work. Kíli returned and Bilbo brushed the sweat from his forehead as he worked. As he was finishing the meal, nothing left to do but wait, the dwarves returned from their day in the mountain.

"Bilbo," Thorin said, he looked pale – still weak from his injuries but it had not stopped him from working hard since he had come out of the medical tent.

"Hello, Thorin, have you had a good day?"

"Very productive. What are you doing at the cooking fires?"

Bilbo smiled. "I am cooking."

"Where is Bombur?"

"He is in the forest. I wanted to help, to do something more."

"Do not worry, Uncle," Kíli said, "Bilbo has made us a very fine meal."

Bilbo turned to look at Kíli. "I knew you had stolen some when I left to clean my utensils."

Kíli grinned at him.

"The food will be ready in a few minutes." Bilbo said. "It would be just enough time for everyone to clean their hands."

Thorin nodded and turned for the river with the rest of the dwarves trailing behind him.

Bilbo watched the dwarves eat, the company more than anyone else…one dwarf more than anyone else. Bilbo ignored the bowl of food on his lap to watch the wary expressions turn to delight, he waited to hear the little noises of pleasure they made when they tasted his cooking. Bilbo smiled at their silent praise. He had always been skilled in the kitchen – as all hobbits were. And one of his biggest pleasures had always been sharing his ability with those hobbits he liked. It felt nice to share this with all the dwarves but Bilbo took special pleasure in watching the look of enjoyment on one face in particular.

"It is decided," Fíli announced. "Bilbo must cook for us from now on."

"I wholeheartedly support that idea," Bombur said.

"Then you shall do the cleaning up," Thorin said, standing and clapping Bombur on the shoulder. "If Bilbo is to cook then you shall help him."

"I can do that." Bombur said, smiling. Bilbo suspected he was thinking about the naps he could take while Bilbo was cooking.

Bilbo grinned broadly and settled to eat his own dinner. He was not sure which pleased him more, a new purpose here or the smile that his food brought to the face of his dwarf.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo spent a long while searching for Glóin until he found the redheaded dwarf chopping down wood for their nightly fire.

"Did you come to help me, Bilbo?"

"No," Bilbo said, "I came to ask you a question."

Glóin split the last of the dry logs and then sat down, taking a long drink from his water skin.

"You are married, are you not, Glóin?"

"I am, to the finest of dwarfish maidens."

Bilbo smiled.

"Riona, is in the Blue Mountains until I am able to give her a home here then we shall be reunited."

"I was wondering if you could help me then."

"In any way I can."

"I would like to know how she won you over."

Glóin laughed, loudly, his beard shaking as he bellowed out his mirth. "She did not win me over; I had to win her over. She had many suitors. I campaigned hard to win her affections."

"Oh."

"We have few females, to win the hand of one, should you be inclined towards females over males, is a harder battle than most I have been in. Riona informed me later than she always intended to accept me but she is a respectable dwarf and made me work hard to prove my worth and skill. We have been happy together since our formal engagement meal."

"What?"

"Once I had accepted her formal speech of engagement we shared a meal as is the tradition."

"Wait," Bilbo asked, trying to keep track of the conversation. "I thought you had been trying to win her, why did she have to say a formal engagement speech?"

"To show that she had accepted my match."

Bilbo wanted to make a small sound of confusion but he stopped to take a deep breathe. "If I understand this correctly you tried to attract her attention, competing with others, and when she finally decided you had proven yourself she informed you of this and you had a meal."

"Exactly."

"I understand that, however, what did you do to win her then?"

"I proved that I could fight, could protect her…though she is better with a sword than many male dwarves, my weapon is the axe but hers is the sword. I made her a bracelet of gold and silver and precious stones that is so intricate and beautiful that not even the very best of the royal artisans could do better."

"You made her a bracelet."

"Not only did I need to prove that I could fight and feed I also need to be able to dig metals and jewels from the mountain and work them into things of beauty and practicality."

Bilbo nodded and sighed, slumping down onto the log behind him.

"You do not seem pleased by that answer, Bilbo."

"I have never worked with metal."

"What do hobbits do when they are courting?"

"We give them the biggest fruits and vegetables we have grown in our garden, we cook them meals, elevenses and dinner and second breakfast…" Bilbo drifted off his mouth watering.

"Then perhaps you should do something that hobbits would do."

"But he is a dwarf."

"Yes, he is. And you are a hobbit; if you are to have the marriage that I am blessed with you cannot simply ignore that for him."

Bilbo smiled, his shoulders slumping down. "I thought to make him notice me before I worried over the way we would manage to go forward."

Glóin smiled widely. "You have been very focussed on your courtship."

"You believe I should make something of metal?" Bilbo asked. "I do not even know how to, or where I would do it."

"Then make him something, something that shows your skills. Do you see these beads?" Glóin tugged on his beard, showing Bilbo the beads that secured sections of his beard. "Riona made these beads for me because she has great skill with metal. I would wear them with pride if she had no skill at all."

Bilbo smiled at him sweetly. "That is because you are a good dwarf."

"It is because no matter what she made it would be made for me, not for any other, and it would be a statement of her affections."

"Do you honestly believe that someone like…a dwarf, would feel the same."

"If he did not would you want to spend the rest of your life here rather than home in your hobbit hole?"

Bilbo paused and thought about it, really thought about it. "No."

"Then make him something that comes from you and if he does not do the right thing walk away."

Glóin stood up, rested his hand on Bilbo's shoulder and turned back to his work on the wood. He did not move Bilbo along, did not say anything as the hobbit settled more comfortably against the tree and lost himself in thought. When Bilbo next looked up the redheaded dwarf was gone. Bilbo found a nice long strip of wood and took it with him – a sudden idea popping into his head as he walked through the growing darkness towards the camp. He knew the dwarves from the mountain would be returning as well and he needed to check on the food he had slowly cooking. After dinner he would sit down with his whittling knife and make his dwarf something…something that was obviously from Bilbo – a smoking pipe. Bilbo paused and went back for another bit of wood – he could do with a new pipe himself.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo was cutting up the potatoes he had found in the forest when he paused and looked around him. They were alone in the clearing; all the other dwarves still up in the mountain clearing sections of the grand hall so that they could move their camp in there over the coming days.

"What is it, Bilbo," Bofur asked, with a bright smile adjusting his hat.

"I…I have asked a couple of the other dwarves about this too, but, well everyone keeps giving me a different answer. What am I supposed to do to show a dwarf I am interested in…marriage?"

Bofur laughed heartily and then froze, looking at the crestfallen look on Bilbo's face.

"Oh no, I do not mean that, I just…there has been a rumour going around that you had set your curls at me. I knew it could not be true as we are but friends. It is nice to know you have not forgotten that in your quest for a dwarfish hand."

"There are rumours?"

"I shall put them to rest," Bofur said, "I promise."

"Thank you," Bilbo said, gratefully. He fiddled with his battered waistcoat – it was not designed to have been washed in the stream, nor to be worn during a battle, and looked at Bofur. "Will you help me?"

Bofur nodded. "Sit down, Bilbo. What you must understand about dwarves is that there are very few females and not all male dwarves like other males so it had always fallen to the females, and to those inclined to lie with other males to show their interest. There is a special braid. One worn only by those who are attempting to show their interest."

"What does it look like?"

"I shall have to do it for you; it is one of our most intricate of braids, only less intricate than the one worn during a ceremony of joining."

"Thank you." Bilbo said, just as Bombur burst out of the forest with Bofur and Dwalin trailing behind him. "I am just going to go and get some…things out of the forest."

Bofur watched him scurry away, ears red.

"I knew it was not me he was trying to attract me, in fact I think he is interested in Ori," Bofur said, smiling.

"Then he should not tell Dori or Nori," Bombur said with a laugh.

Dwalin turned from the fire and walked back into the trees.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo jumped when someone sat down on his bedroll.

"What?" Bilbo looked up, squinting in the weak light to find Bifur sitting next to his knee. "Bifur?"

Bifur began speaking in quick, whispered Khuzdul and making motions with his hand that Bilbo did not understand. The sun was not up properly in the sky though it was light enough for Bilbo to see Bifur as he began pointing at his own braids. He then ran his fingers through Bilbo's loose curls.

"You want to help me with the braid Bofur was talking about?"

Bifur nodded, spoke in Khuzdul again, and then turned and look at one of the bedrolls.

Bilbo nodded and looked down with a blush. "It is for him."

Bifur tugged at Bilbo until he could sit behind the hobbit and then he began to braid Bilbo's hair. As he worked his sang, low and raspy, in Khuzdul. The sky lightened slowly, Bilbo was moved around as Bifur tightly wound his hair into the intricate braid that would tell the dwarf of his interest. One of Bifur's hands came around in front of his face holding a strip of leather and one of Bilbo's brass buttons. Bilbo took them, carefully, holding it in his hand and looking down at his battered brass button.

Bifur made a wavy motion with his finger and pointed at the button. Bilbo thought for a moment and then threaded the string through the button holes. "Like this?"

Bifur said a few words and Bilbo knew that to be an affirmation of what he had done. Bifur pulled it from Bilbo's hand and then began twisting it into Bilbo's hair.

"Thank you," Bilbo said, turning around as soon as Bifur was finished. "I appreciate this so much."

Bifur held a hand up to his lips and shook his head.

"Do not tell anyone?"

Bifur nodded.

"I am supposed to have done it myself?"

Bifur nodded and rested a hand on Bilbo's forehead. He said something low and full of gravitas in Khuzdul then he grinned wickedly and slipped away from Bilbo. The hobbit watched him as he walked away, laid down on his own bedroll and was asleep moments later. Bilbo lifted his hands to his hair; his curls were too long for a respectable hobbit but he had not been a respectable hobbit since he had left the Shire and his hope to stay here with the dwarves of Erebor was certainly not going to help him earn respectability back. Bilbo turned around and laid back down on his bedroll. The sky was light now, the sun up, but the dwarves around him continued to snore, exhausted from their work on the mountains.

Bilbo pulled himself up from the bedroll and walked towards the town of Dale where the Men were camped making their own repairs. Most of Thorin's dwarves were staying in the Blue Mountains until the small group of dwarves that had travelled to Erebor were able to clear more of the mountain. Bilbo liked looking at Erebor, he did not work in the mountains during the days but he had never even dreamed that he would be able to travel so far from his little hobbit hole and sometimes when he could not believe that he had made it all the way from there to here he would look at Erebor and he remembered everything he had accomplished.

Bilbo jumped when he felt fingers brush against his hair. "Do you know the meaning of these?"

"Yes."

"I see." Then he was gone.

Bilbo sighed and folded his arms over his chest.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo sat down next to Fíli during breakfast.

"I had wondered when you would come to see me, Bilbo. My feelings are hurt that you waited so long."

Bilbo looked at the dwarves around them; Fíli was using his loud, booming, everyone should hear this, voice and Bilbo still did not want his mission to be a public knowledge.

"Can you please be more quiet?"

"No," Fíli said, laughing at Bilbo's question.

Bilbo sighed and stood up to walk away.

Hours later, when Bilbo was bathing in the river, as far upstream as he could be without leaving the boundaries of the dwarf camp and its safety, Fíli found him.

"I apologise, Master Baggins," Fíli said, sitting on a rock near the water's edge.

"Fíli," Bilbo said, exasperated. "It is impolite to sneak up on somebody who is bathing."

Fíli simply smiled at him. "It is not the first time I have seen you naked."

Bilbo rolled his eyes. "That does not change anything."

"I came down here to help, and to apologise for not being more understanding this morning."

Bilbo squinted up at Fíli. "You are never apologetic."

Fíli smiled at the hobbit. "What I do not think you understand is that I would like you to stay here in Erebor and I am sure that the remainder of the company feels the same."

Bilbo was not sure if he believed Fíli or not, there was something sneaky on the dwarf's face. He sighed and walked out of the water, grabbing the cloth he used for drying quickly and stepping behind into the trees to dry himself quickly. When he was redressed he sat across from Fíli and stared at the dwarf. "If I am to ask for your help I would appreciate you taking it seriously."

"I do take it seriously, I am here to help."

"Very well, I am interested in the ways that dwarves court."

"Why?"

"Because I am curious."

"Bilbo Baggins, are you lying to me?"

"I am interested in a dwarf."

"I know," Fíli said with exuberance. "But who?"

"So, this is why you came to help me?"

Fíli shrugged. "I think I know already however I would like it to be confirmed."

Bilbo shook his head and stood up. "I had hoped you would take this more seriously."

"I am taking this very seriously, but I want to make sure I am right and that no one will be hurt when you win the dwarf's attention."

Bilbo deflated a little. "I do not understand."

Fíli shook his head. "There is more than one dwarf that finds you intriguing…and, yet we have only one hobbit."

"Why do you believe that?"

"Everyone assumes that because Kíli and I are young then of course we do not see anything. I do see, and I listen."

"I do not want to hurt anyone."

"I know, you are honourable and you are trustworthy. Showing that you are both is more important than you can understand. Dwarves place more value on honour and trustworthiness than any other traits. Continue to be both."

"That is not what I asked of you though."

"You have been told of metalwork, you have heard about braids and clothing, of hunting and feeding and the importance of family. You know everything you need to."

Bilbo smiled. "You surprise me sometimes. And in those times I can see the king you shall be one day."

Fíli smirked at him. "And the other times?"

"You remind me of hobbitlings and their adolescence."

Fíli's grin widened. "Do I remind you of your adolescence?"

Bilbo nodded. "You do."

"Uncle Thorin tells me I remind him of his too but I cannot see him having ever been like Kíli and I."

"No, I cannot think of him as being that carefree either."

Fíli nodded and stood up. "I wish you luck, Master Baggins."

Bilbo watched him walk away wondering what dwarves the blonde dwarf had been talking about. He knew that the next time he saw Fíli the dwarf would be doing something that would contradict everything that had just happened, he would do something foolish with Kíli but Bilbo knew he did it by choice. Bilbo collected his things and started back towards the camp. He wondered if dwarves would find hobbit courting habits as confusing and ambiguous as Bilbo was finding the dwarfish ones.

-)(-)(-

Bilbo walked carefully away from the fire to try and find Dwalin where he was tending to the horses.

"Mister Dwalin," Bilbo said, shakily.

"What do you want, burglar?"

Bilbo frowned and looked down at the ground; he was not sure why Dwalin disliked him so now when they had been getting along so well since they had reclaimed the mountain. Even Thorin had forgiven Bilbo and yet the warrior dwarf now looked at Bilbo as though he had done something terrible.

"I would like to ask your advice."

Dwalin glared at him in response.

"I would like to show a dwarf that I would like more than their friendship?"

Dwalin glared. "Why do you believe that you deserve more than his friendship?"

Bilbo took a deep breath and straightened his back. "Because I want it and I want to try. If he turns me down then at least I have tried."

Dwalin nodded sharply. "Prove to him that you can protect him, he may not need it but in moments when he is weak you must be strong just as you must allow yourself to be weak to those who mean the most to you."

Bilbo had a small, sweet smile. "I feel as though I have proved that to him already. I protected him from an orc, is that not enough?"

"Thorin?" Dwalin asked, surprised.

"Of course Thorin, who else?"

Dwalin rewarded him with a broad smile. "Then yes, Bilbo, you have already proven yourself to be a fierce defender of my King's life."

Bilbo smiled at him then looked at Dwalin carefully. "Who did you think it was?"

"It does not matter. I wish you well in your endeavour."

"Thank you, Dwalin."

The warrior inclined his head and went back to rubbing his horse down.

-)(-)(-

Dori was watching Ori when Bilbo sat down next to the older dwarf. Bilbo did not feel as though he were interrupting as Dori was always keeping an eye on Ori. Bilbo, personally, did not understand how the younger dwarf was able to stand it.

"Bilbo," Dori said, twisting so that he could talk to Bilbo without losing sight of his youngest brother.

"I have a question."

"So I have heard."

"I would like to know how to show a dwarf that I am interested in him."

"Is it Ori?"

"What?" Bilbo asked, surprised.

Dori looked at Bilbo carefully. "Is it Ori?"

"No."

"Good. Then you prove to their family that you are worthy of them."

"Is Ori not an adult dwarf?"

"He is."

"Then why do you watch him so?"

"He is my responsibility."

"But he is an adult."

"And my responsibility, which he will be until my death. Our mother left not long after his birth and he is, and always shall be, my responsibility."

"If he were the dwarf I was interested in?"

"I would tell you that you would need to work very hard to win over his family."

"Would anyone ever have your support?"

Dori looked at Bilbo sharply. "He is my youngest brother. Family is more important to dwarves than gold."

Bilbo nodded. He wanted to say something, he wanted to do something to make Dori understand that he was being too overbearing, too overprotective, or that Ori had proven himself to be more than capable of looking after himself but he knew it would achieve nothing. He stood and thanked the dwarf before going and sitting next to Kíli.

"Hobbit!" Fíli said, loudly. "Would you like some mead?"

"A small one?"

Fíli let out a huff and handed Bilbo a full dwarf tankard before sitting down on Bilbo's other side.

"I took your seat."

"You did," Fíli said, wrapping an arm around Bilbo's shoulders. "But for the hero of Erebor I can give up my chair."

"Thank you." Bilbo said, trying to think of ways to ingratiate himself to Thorin's nephews. "How is the work in the mountain progressing?"

"Well," Kíli said, lifting his tankard high, "because we are the Dwarves of Erebor and we shall reclaim our mountain!"

The other dwarves around the camp lifted their tankards as well and bellowed their support.

Bilbo smiled. "And there is nothing I can do to help?"

"If you keep cooking meals for our dwarves that is absolutely all we shall need." Fíli said.

"What have you cooked for us tonight?" Kíli asked.

"We did some fishing." Bilbo said.

"Fish!" Kíli called out, drinking the rest of his mead.

"Is there something that you like to eat that I could try and make."

"Anything not made by Bombur," Fíli said, laughing.

Bilbo sighed. "Do either of you have dwarves that you miss in the Blue Mountains?"

"Of course," Fíli said, "there are so many of us left there but we shall clear the halls and then they can join us here and it shall be glorious."

"I mean…anyone in particular?" Bilbo said, completely unsure how to prove to them that he would be a good addition to their family. If they were hobbits his respectable family (which he no longer had) and his very nice hobbit hole (not quite as impressive as an entire mountain), along with his comfortable wealth (admittedly much larger now), and his gardening and cooking expertise would prove his worth to his intended's family. He had no idea what to do to prove his worth to dwarfish nephews.

"Are you asking if we have wives or husbands?" Kíli asked. "We would have talked about such things on the journey."

"Though perhaps not as frequently as Glóin did."

"It would be impossible to do so more than Glóin." Kíli agreed with his brother.

"Oh my wife, Riona," Fíli said, in an imitation of Glóin's voice.

"And my strong son Gimli," Kíli repeated, his attempt at Glóin's accent worse than his brother's.

"I meant more someone you were interested in that you were not married to."

Kíli nudged Bilbo. "Why are you asking?"

"I…thought it would be nice to get to know you both better."

Kíli and Fíli looked at each other over the top of Bilbo's head and then dropped back down to look at Bilbo suspiciously.

"Why?" Kíli asked.

"I was interested, we are fairly close in age and I feel that we have a bit in common but I do not really know what your life was like in the Blue Mountains and now that you will not be going back I am curious about the dwarfish life there that I will never see."

"Bilbo…" Fíli said, questioningly.

"I mean," Bilbo said, trying to explain, "that I have now seen the towns of Men and Elves but I have not seen a Dwarfish mountain that has not been a dragon stronghold."

"We thought you were interested in our uncle but then it seemed we were wrong and you had set your hat to Bofur but you asked him for help too so we wondered if it was Nori."

"He is very experienced and well known for being an amazing lay."

Kíli and Fíli laughed.

"I did not know that," Bilbo said.

Fíli laughed. "Then we thought you and Ori had bonded over books and knowledge but it cannot have been him since you were talking with Dori and have no bruises."

"It should not be us though," Kíli said.

"Either of us, we are not that way inclined."

"I have tried it," Kíli confided, "but it is not for me."

"I am not. It is not…either of you."

Fíli and Kíli looked at one another again.

"I like you as my good friends and I am happy to have met you however I did not mean to give you the wrong idea."

"That is comforting," Kíli said.

"You had us worried," Fíli agreed. "You are an excellent hobbit and Uncle was quite wrong about you joining our company."

"But neither of us wishes to lie with you." Kíli continued.

"Exactly." Fíli agreed, nodding energetically.

"I do not want to lie with either of you." Bilbo reassured them, not sure how he had so lost the point of this conversation.

"Brilliant," Fíli said, loudly.

"We need more mead," Kíli demanded, handing his brother his tankard.

"Definitely," Bilbo said, drinking down what was left in his own tankard and handing it to Fíli.

-)(-)(-

Ori handed Bilbo a sheet of parchment.

"What is this?"

"It is the traditional dwarf engagement meant to be said when you have secured your intended favour."

"I have not secured anything," Bilbo said, "everything I try fails."

Ori smiled at him gently. "I wanted to give it to you in case you were to need it."

"Thank you."

"Later tonight, when my brothers have finally gone to bed, meet me at the river and I shall teach you how to say it."

Bilbo nodded. "The quest has not made them less protective?"

"Nothing could make them less protective," Ori said, with a sigh. "But, they will not have the chance to be protective for much longer."

"Why?"

But Ori simply smiled at him and turned to walk away.

Later that night they did sit together by the river and practiced the speech until Bilbo no longer stumbled over words or struggled to get his tongue around the Khuzdul sounds, so alien to him.

Bilbo thought he saw a shadow in the trees but when he tried to look closer there was no one standing there.

"This is good," Bilbo said, smiling, "however, is there something I could tell him that would tell him of my interest without proposing marriage in case that is too sudden for him. I do not know if dwarves have long courtships."

"We do not. There is something, we often etch it into piece of metal work that we create but saying it should work for you too."

"Would you teach me?"

"Tomorrow night."

Bilbo smiled so widely his cheeks hurt but he wanted this so badly that he would try anything that the dwarves suggested.

-)(-)(-

"Hello, young Bilbo Baggins." Gandalf said, finding him one afternoon not long after the wizard had returned to Erebor.

"I am not so young for a hobbit."

"No, not so young but young in relation to many things."

Bilbo sighed in confusion and looked up at Gandalf. "What can I do for you?"

"You have asked the whole company how to court a dwarf and yet you have not asked me."

"You were visiting Elrond with the Arkenstone."

Gandalf waved his hand and blew an elaborate smoke ring. "I have been observing the rituals of all beings here in Middle Earth since my beginning."

Bilbo nodded. "And what do you believe I should do?"

"Tell Thorin."

Bilbo smiled. "Nothing else is working," he ran his hand along the braids still in his hair. "I think I need to talk to him. When are you returning that way again?"

"As soon as I feel like it."

"May I come with you if things do not go well?"

"Of course, Master Baggins, I always intended for you to go there to here and back again."

Bilbo smiled and went looking for the dwarfish king.

-)(-)(-

"Hello, Thorin." Bilbo said, when he finally found Thorin sitting below the gates of Erebor all alone.

"Bilbo."

"There is something I would like to discuss with you."

Thorin nodded while his face darkened. "So, your attempts at dwarfish courting have finally given you what you wanted? Have you come to ask my permission as regent?"

Bilbo frowned. "You knew what I was doing?"

"Yes."

"I see…so you-wait…what I wanted?"

"I was not sure which of the dwarves you were attempting to court but I assume you have won their favour."

Bilbo opened his mouth to say something and then shook his head. "I could not, he did not even realise that I was doing all of this for him."

Thorin was silent, watching Bilbo.

"I thought you either ignorant or uninterested."

Thorin's eyes grew more fierce as he sat completely still watching Bilbo.

"You do know that you were the dwarf I have been learning all of this for, you are the reason I am still in Erebor. I have done all of this for you."

"No." Thorin disagreed.

"You are not interested," Bilbo said, stepping back. "That is understandable."

"No," Thorin said, wrapping his hand around Bilbo's wrist, stopping the hobbit from moving. "You cannot choose me."

"Why?"

"I have never given you a reason to. I have treated you terribly. I almost killed you over the Arkenstone and I have shown you nothing but my worst traits."

Bilbo shook his head. "The Arkenstone holds sway over you; I do not blame you for what you did under its influence."

"The Arkenstone was nothing but the last gem on the pile of my bad behaviour."

Bilbo stepped closer and looked at Thorin unwaveringly. "Do you wish to court me?"

"That is not the point."

"However it is my question, do you?"

Thorin looked hesitant, and he seemed to speak around his doubt. "Yes."

Bilbo smiled widely and curled his hand under Thorin's ear to pull the dwarf into a kiss, catching the dwarf's lower lip between his. Thorin kissed him back, reached up to slide his hands into Bilbo's hair and tugging at the hobbit until he toppled over into Thorin's lap. Bilbo's lips had been yanked away from Thorin's and he laughed breathlessly before moving back to kiss him again. Thorin pulled away, moving over slightly so that Bilbo had no choice but to sit on the ground instead of the dwarf.

"What?"

"I do not deserve you."

"Is that not my decision to make?" Bilbo asked, reaching out for Thorin's hand.

Thorin looked at Bilbo with soft eyes.

"I am not going away," Bilbo said, forcefully. "You can say what you want and you can tell me how horribly you have acted and all of the reasons that you do not deserve me but I have decided that I want you and I will have you, sooner or later."

"When did you get so stubborn?"

Bilbo smiled. "I have always been stubborn, if I was not I would be dead."

Thorin's eyes darkened.

Bilbo leaned over and kissed Thorin again, once, quickly, before he stood up and smiled. "I have told you now, and I will wait for you because I have wanted you since the first time I saw you and perhaps I did not care for you then as I do now but I will have you eventually."

Thorin frowned at Bilbo and stood up, standing over the hobbit. "Why are you convinced that I am worthy of you?"

"You are loyal and trustworthy; you have been protecting me even when you said you would not. You thought I would cause your mission to fall into ruin and you still listened to Gandalf. You thought I had left and you thought the very worst of me and it made me realise everything I was capable of. You have not always been the easiest dwarf to get along with and yet I have found myself learning more about what type of hobbit I am than I ever could have in my hobbit hole. You gave me all of that."

"That is not…"

"I know, it is not about you but the longer we have been travelling together the more I have come to know you, your personality, the things that are important to you and the way you put others above yourself. I started off thinking you were on this mission to be selfish and to reclaim a throne but as we travelled I could see that while you wanted what was yours – this mountain, you also want your dwarves to have the home that was stolen from them. I have watched the way you treat your nephews and the fact you welcomed Ori on the trip. I have seen Dwalin and Balin's loyalty and neither of them seem to me to be dwarves which give their loyalty easily. You climbed into a barrel for me and followed me into a river. I came to respect you and to like you and I wish to know you even better."

"You are a very strange hobbit."

Bilbo smiled. "You would not be the only one to say that about me."

"And you have been learning dwarfish mating rituals for me?"

"I thought you would have realised."

"I thought you had chosen someone who was more suitable."

Bilbo shook his head. "There is no such being. Are you going to accept my overtures or not?" Bilbo took a deep breath and recited the speech Ori had taught him – his Khuzdul wobbly but Thorin's eyes widened anyway.

Thorin looked away from Bilbo and up towards the sky, he was silent for several minutes. Bilbo watched him as the time dragged between them. "I will."

Bilbo let out a deep, heavy breath and grinned. Then he reached out for Thorin and kissed him again.

"I was worried," Bilbo said, pausing between kisses.

"I was offered exactly what I wanted. I would be a fool to turn it down again after having almost missed it completely."

"How did you miss the fact that I was doing it all for you?"

"Balin thought you interested in Bofur, which made sense as you were so close to him. Then it was believed that you were researching for Ori. Why would you choose me when I had treated you so ill?"

"I gave you a knitted scarf."

"Ori gifts his knitting to everyone."

"But do I?"

"I did not know you could knit."

"I asked Ori for the supplies and I think he may have fixed some of my mistakes while I slept."

Thorin smiled.

"I gave you a hand carved pipe," Bilbo said. "Why did you think I had done that?"

"I thought…" Thorin said.

"When I spoke to Glóin he said to give you something I had made, and I cannot work with metal but I have always had skills with wood. I made you that pipe, and I have been cooking for the company for you. All of the things I have learned from the company and all of the things I have done were for you."

"I see that now, though I thought you had better judgment than to care for me."

"I shall not accept you speaking so negatively about yourself."

Thorin stared at Bilbo.

"If you were not worth it then I would not have gone hunting for rabbits, or learned Khuzdul, and I would certainly not be standing here listening to you insult me."

Thorin froze. "Insult you?"

"Me and my taste."

"I have not insulted you," Thorin said, chin high.

Bilbo lifted on eyebrow and stared at Thorin silently.

"I have not," Thorin repeated, into the silence.

"You think that I do not know well enough to see the insult under you telling me that I should know better? Or that I have chosen so poorly?"

"That is not what I meant."

"And yet, Thorin Oakenshield, you are attempting to make me change my mind. A man who did not care, or who was not worthy and who did not look back on his actions as being inadvisable would not regret them. And that convinces me even more that you are the dwarf that I wish to grow old with." Bilbo coloured. "That is to say, you understand, that I am happy simply courting you."

Thorin kissed him. "You offer me the rest of your days and then think I would be happy simply courting?"

Bilbo shook his head. "None of the dwarves I asked told me how quickly courting lasted for dwarves."

"As soon as the decision is made for one dwarf from the group a bonding ceremony is organised."

"Should I wait for you to choose between me and your other suitors?"

"When you faced off against orcs for me my decision was made."

Bilbo reached up and slid his hand into the dark hair, feeling the soft strands drag over his skin before he kissed Throin again.

**The End**


End file.
